Chapter 7: Advantages

The week following my return from London is hectic, and I find myself without a moment to think of anything other than work. Well, that’s not true. I think about Masen all the friggin’ time, but I can’t afford to lose my focus at the moment. I mindlessly go through the week fact-checking, researching, writing here and there, putting in long hours to catch up with all the files left on my desk while I was away. By the end of the week, I’m spent. But I don’t mind work at all.

It’s the going home part that sucks. My apartment is usually a little piece of heaven for me, but lately the solitude that usually brings me peace brings me...loneliness. I mope around the house, making dinners for one, watching Golden Girls reruns. This used to make me quite happy, especially after stressful workdays, but now, it’s just pathetic. 

It’s in these moments alone where my mind wanders back to that night. That perfect night when I let the walls come down a bit and allowed myself to feel again. Masen had apparently cracked the Bella Code, and now he owned a teensy weensy bit of my heart. 

Ok, fine. He probably owns a little more than that, but I’m not willing to admit that out loud just yet.

He wasn’t the least bit shy about showing me how he felt about me; he put it all out there for me to either accept it or run away. I’ll admit that at that moment, I wanted to flee and retreat into the little stone fortress I’d built around my heart so many years ago. But ultimately, the desire to be near Masen had been too much, and so I stayed...the whole night.

I replay every minute of that night staring blankly at the TV screen, not paying the least bit attention to whatever is going on. I remember the heat, the feel of his hands and lips on me, the weight of his body on mine as he brought me to several mind-altering orgasms. But no memory was greater than the way he looked at me- that indescribable gaze that would melt my resolve. Every.Single.Time. And I miss it. 

I miss that fucker.

I click over to ESPN to see if by chance I catch any information on the latest contract talks between the MLS teams and Masen. So far, it’s just some stupid banter about a star basketball player leaving his hometown team to play for another team. BORING. Talk about sports players being paid too much money; I’m surprised any of them still show up to play a game.

Right before I decide to turn off the TV all together, they flash to a short segment on the MLS situation. I freeze and watch attentively as they mention which teams are vying for which players. There’s a montage illustrating some of the players’ finer moments on the field are played and I nearly squeal when I see Masen scoring the very same goal I saw him score the night we...well...scored.

I grasp at my chest in an attempt to control my rapid heartbeat as they show an interview clip of him: must’ve been from a few days ago. He looks tired and pretty serious as they question him about what decision he’ll make. He basically has the pick of the litter, so to speak, and can go just about anywhere at this point. He answers evasively, not giving anything away. Chicago and L.A. are offering the most, followed by New York. I can’t help but wonder if maybe...just maybe...he’ll choose New York, but I quickly suppress that notion because, honestly, what good would it do? He wants more, and I’m not sure I can give it.

What Mike did all those years ago had damaged me, no doubt about it, but it wasn’t like I could never have another relationship. Let’s face it, I was young and stupid, and should’ve known better than to trust that moron. Yes, I put up a wall in response, but after a while, it just got easier to not get attached. And when I finally had my own life and career, I was so far removed from romantic relationships that I simply became relationship-handicapped. 

This realization is enough to kill the rest of my evening (not that I was having much of one to begin with) so I turn the TV off and make my way to my bedroom to turn in for the night. Right then, the phone rings. For a few moments, I dare to think it could possibly be him, until I remember there’s about a six hour time difference and he’s probably asleep. I look at the screen- yep. Not him...but it is Alice.

“This better be good, you’re interrupting my date with Ben & Jerry.”

“Get dressed, we’re going out! I’m five minutes from your place...Go Go GO!”

Alice is my BFF. She’s been my partner-in-crime since high school, and followed me to New York, where she studied Fashion Marketing at Parsons, and now has her own boutique in the Village. 

She’s also a bit... 

Spunky?

Happy?

Annoying?

Yeah, all of the above...but I love her to pieces.

“Alice, I don’t feel like going out tonight, I’d rather just veg,” I whine.

“Don’t be silly. You haven’t been out since you got back form your trip, which is very unlike you, by the way. Are you still waiting for Soccer-boy to call?”

Yes, I relayed everything that happened in London to her because we never keep anything from each other. She knows all my past conquests; as a matter of fact, I’m sure she has a spreadsheet...somewhere.

“No, I’m not waiting for Soccer-boy to call me. I told you, it’s nothing...I’m not waiting around.”

“Then you shouldn’t object to a little happy time with me at Pegu Club. C’mon, it’ll be fun! Nothing like hooking up to get yourself out of a funk.”

“I’m not in a funk!”

“Bella, you’re watching The Golden Girls on a Friday night...you’re in a funk.”

“Hey, those ladies are fantastic...I’m so gonna be Blanche when I grow up.”

“Ugh, ok, I’m here...open up!”

She doesn’t even have to knock. I saunter to the front door and sure enough, Hurricane Alice sweeps through the house with a garment bag hanging from her little fingers. I raise a brow, eyeing said garment bag.

“Just a little something that came in today, I couldn’t pass it up, it has Bella written all over it,” she sings.

I follow her path to my bedroom where she hangs the bag, unzips it and looks at me expectantly.

“Well? What do you think?”

I examine the little piece of black material and smiled. She knows me so well.

“That’s some dress, Alice. But I don’t want to go out tonight.”

She huffs. “I don’t care if you don’t want to, you’re going. Just think of it as keeping me company. We’ll have a couple drinks and then head home. Who knows, you may end up with a phone number or five.”

I let out a frustrated grunt as I disrobe out of my comfy clothes before stomping over to the black sexpot dress and slipping it over my head. It makes my legs look a mile long and I start to perk up right away.

We make it into the lounge, which is hard to find unless you’re aware of its exact location on the second floor of a very nondescript building. But once inside, it’s size is surprising and it’s swankiness is just enough to make it hip, without being stuffy. 

After a couple of Earl Grey martinis, I’m feeling a whole lot better about making it out tonight. It’s about 2 AM, and Alice is happily chatting it up with a couple of hot doctors, one of which keeps eye-fucking me. I give him a slanted grin and Alice makes the obligatory introductions.

“Bella, this is Dr. Tyler Crowley and Dr. Jason Jenks. Boys, this is best friend, Bella Swan.”

Pleasantries are exchanged and Dr. Jenks (AKA Dr. Eyefuck) immediately takes a seat next to me. He’s hot enough, and certainly has the confidence I love, but something’s just off. This is usually my playing ground- the good doctor is right up my alley. Why doesn’t this give me the rush it normally would?

I feel a vibration in my purse. A text message. Who the fuck is texting me at this time? I excuse myself for a moment as I search for the phone. I flush almost instantly, as a cold wave washes over me, followed by a very recognizable warmth.

Masen.

My cafe morning isn’t the same without you. -E

My involuntary smile catches the attention of Dr. Jenks, and he tilts his head with a curious smile. 

“Someone important?”

Wow. I don’t know how to answer that. Is he important? I suddenly have the inexplicable urge to run home, change into my pjs, and call Masen. What the hell is wrong with me?

“Umm, yeah, kind of. Look, I’m sorry, I need to take this. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Not a problem, Bella. I’ll be right here waiting,” he slurs, trying to sound sexy...but failing.

I force a smile as Alice catches my glance in understanding. Her knowing grin prompts me to roll my eyes in response. I make my way outside and sit on a side bench, my pulse racing in anticipation. I had sent Masen a short text message as I landed in New York last week just to let him know I had arrived safely, and he responded with the same neutral tone, thanking me for letting him know. He only sent two more text messages during my first week home. They were friendly, with mutually understood meaning behind them, updating me on his contract talks. It looked like he was leaning towards Chicago, and I was happy for him; it’s exactly what he wanted....I think.  

I smile and type out a response.

What are you doing up so early? -B

Got up too early, played some notes, then couldn’t go back to sleep. So now I’m at the cafe...alone. You should feel sorry for me. -E

I can’t control the smile that grows upon my lips.

I’m sure that little blonde barista wouldn’t mind keeping you company. -B  

Nah. She’s too mousy...I prefer smart-mouthed brunettes ;) -E

That comment makes me chuckle out loud, garnering sideway glares from patrons entering the building.

Contract talks stressing you out? -B

You could say that. -E

I wonder what he’s so stressed out about. I mean, he can pretty much go wherever he wants.

Chicago’s perfect for you. I’m sure you’re excited to be coming home. -B

A couple of minutes pass before I get a response.

I am very excited. I can’t wait actually. -E

I smile, genuinely happy for him. He’s not the kind of guy to get caught up in the hype or the ego-stroking of playing for one of the best teams in the world. The only thing he’s ever cared about is the opportunity to play. The MLS is throwing generous amounts of money at specific players that they believe will help the league garner more fans. Masen’s presence would surely boost ticket sales and revenue from endorsements. 

While my thoughts wander to previous conversations about his choices, I get another message.

Do you think about that night... ever? -E

That’s a loaded question...but at this point I have to be honest with him and myself. 

All the time...constantly. -B

I miss you. -E

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. -B

Good to know ;) -E

I gotta go...Alice is waiting for me inside. -B

Where are you? -E

At a lounge, getting a couple of drinks. -B

What are you wearing? -E

Oh, God...he wants to have this discussion now?

Really, Masen? You choose now to initiate phone sex? -B

Who said anything about phone sex? I just want to what you’re wearing...don’t want you tempting some douche with the goods. -E

Aww, jealous are we? ;) -B

No...yes....maybe. *pouts* :( -E

Jesus, I can’t get enough of this man. It’s bad when a text pout gets me aroused.

Black micro mini-dress...high heels. -B

Micro? Does that mean really short? -E

:) -B

Bellllaaaa. :( -E

My grin widens. I know I shouldn’t be teasing him, but it’s too much fun not to. Unfortunately, I have to go collect Alice, which brings our conversation to an end.

I have to go now. Have a greeeeaat day ;) -B

You’ll pay for that. -E

Oh, I certainly hope so ;) -B

I drop my phone back into my purse, flashing a smile at the bouncer as he grants me re-entry. Alice is laughing it up with the Doctor Duo, and I suddenly just want to go home. I don’t feel comfortable anymore...I don’t belong here. The old Bella would’ve stayed, taken the good doctor home and fucked him ‘til the cows come home. 

Dr. Eye Fuck smiles as I enter his field of vision, rising from his stool.

“Everything all right?” he asks.

“Great. Sorry about that, it was kind of an emergency.” I lied.

“No problem. Listen, this place is dead. You want to get out of here?”

I stare at him, contemplating that question. I realize I want to get out of here, but not with him. Totally unlike me. Alice notices my hesitation, and her intuition kicks in.

“Um, actually, she came with me, and we both have an early day tomorrow.”

I love you, Alice.

“Oh, well...that’s a shame,” he says, “Well, Bella, can I give you my number? Maybe we can get together some time.”

I look at him apologetically. “I, uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea. My work schedule is really busy, and my life is pretty complicated right now. I hope you understand.” 

He nods in silence for a moment, admitting defeat. “Well, then is was very nice meeting you, Bella. At least let us grab you and Alice a cab?”

“That would be great,” Alice interjects, and I nod.

The ride home is short, but Alice is not silent. 

“Well, that was certainly a first. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you go home from a bar without a new friend,” she muses. 

“What can I say, that kind of stuff is getting a little old, I’m kind of bored with it.”

“Wow. Soccer-boy did a number on you,” she says, narrowing her eyes. 

“Soccerb... Masen has nothing to do with this.”

“Uh huh....okay. So who were you texting outside?”

Damn Alice.

I give her a quick cautionary glance and sigh, as I turn to look out the window towards the city. 

~*~*~*~EtS~*~*~*~

The next couple of days go by without much drama, and Rose is a mile a minute at work. I can tell she’s trying to keep busy, but I know she’s harboring some serious feelings for Emmett, and I sympathize completely. I try to keep the conversation light.

“So have you heard anything?”

“Oh hey, B. Yeah, I spoke to Emmett last night actually. He’s really excited...looks like D.C.’s picking him up,” she shares with a gleaming smile, eyes sparkling.

I lean against the edge of her desk. “Oh, that’s great, Rose! Have you....you know...been in touch a lot?” My curiosity gets the better of me and I have to ask.

She looks up through her lashes, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Rose be bashful, and it makes me giggle.

“Oh, Stop! Leave me alone,” she giggles right along with me. “He’s really sweet, and he wants to see where this goes....and...I do too.”

My eyebrows rise in mock surprise. “Wow. I’m impressed...I’m really happy for you, Rose.” And I mean it.

She gives me a sidelong glance, as if she were figuring out some encrypted code. 

“How about you? Have you heard from Edward?”

I hesitate. She notices.

“Yeah, we’ve exchanged a few text messages here and there,” I try not to give away too much. But of course, Rose’s got my number.

“And? Has he told you where he’s going?”

“Well, he hasn’t made a decision yet, but it looks like he’s going home to Chicago,” I say, unable to hide my slight disappointment.

“That’s not too far away, I mean at least he’ll be on this side of the globe. I mean, if you decide to see him again,” she offers sneakily. 

I plop into one of the chairs on the other side of her desk and sigh loudly.

“I don’t know what the hell I want, Rose. This whole situation is just so completely foreign to me, I don’t know what I’m doing...I’m so lost.”

“Bella, it’s obvious you feel something for him, and I have a feeling it’s more than just sex to you....and honey, that’s completely ok,” she says, leaning over her desk to lay a comforting hand over mine. “You just need to own up to whatever it is you’re feeling; give Edward a chance if, in fact, you want some kind of meaningful relationship. It’s okay to open up and let someone see the real you.”

I stare at her blankly, not really knowing how to respond to that. Masen’s the only man who knows the real me, which scares me to death. I don’t know how to label what I feel for him; more importantly, I’m afraid to. I mean, what if I “own up” to whatever these feelings are, and he doesn’t feel the same way? I’ll be crushed; the wall I subsequently build around myself would be much higher and more solid than before. If I invest my time and my heart towards a relationship with Masen, could we deal with a long-distance thing? And am I willing to sacrifice my lifestyle for something that may prove disastrous? 

Yes, I know...I’m ridiculous. I have no CLUE how to be in a relationship. But am I willing to just let Masen go? Can I go about my day without thinking about him every second?

NO....no...I can’t.

My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest and run away. I have to talk to Masen. We can’t keep going like this; the flirting, the texting, the uncertainty....I need to figure this out, and fast...or I’ll be labeled as certifiable. 

I go back to my desk after Rose’s heart-to-heart and hunker down for another hour of researching and making calls to schedule interviews when Jessica, the secretary at the front desk and general pain in my ass, calls me through the intercom.

“Belllllaaaa, you have a verrrryyyy special delivery! Should I send it in?”

God, I hate her.

“What is it?”

“Oh, I don’t want to spoil the surprise for you, silly,” she giggles like a valley girl, “I’ll just send the delivery boy to you!”

“Fine...whatever.”

A pimple-faced boy with a a navy blue uniform and hat awkwardly carries a large bouquet of light pink and white lilies and unceremoniously plonks it on my desk. 

“Ms...um....Swan?” He looks down to his clipboard and quickly meets my wide eyes. 

“Yep,” I say with a loud pop at the end of the word.

“Sign here, please.” 

He tips his hat when I return the clipboard and he departs with a smile.

Some co-workers peer over to get a good look, and I give them all the evil eye, dispersing them like roaches. The arrangement is beautiful and I quickly locate the card attached.

I miss you. -Edward

I immediately blush the same hue as the flowers, and when I look around to see if anyone is still staring, I catch Rose’s expression through the glass wall of her office.

She simply smiles, and shakes her head. She knows this is freaking me out.

It’s totally freaking me out...and I love it.

~*~*~*~EtS~*~*~*~

Chinese food is the food of the gods. I’m convinced.

I settle in for another Saturday night: my third in a row, by myself. This time watching Diners, Drive-ins & Dives and Chopped. The first Saturday night, the one after being home from London, I was annoyed and irritated. I felt like I should be out there, picking out my next catch for the evening. The second Saturday night, I was depressed, thinking I’d never get out there again. And now, here I am, actually pretty happy I don’t have to get all dressed up to go out. Putting on a show and displaying myself as bait no longer holds the same excitement it once did.

I stare at the lilies, prominently displayed on my dining room table. They’re taunting me. My eyes narrow, as they stare back nagging me to call and thank him. I somehow keep talking myself out of it. I know he’s in the middle of contract talks, and Rose told me the each MLS team is holding their own official press conference to announce the final decisions of the coaches and players in question, including Masen, Emmett and a few others. Everything is set in stone as of tonight, but won’t be announced until tomorrow. The big scandal (if you can call it that) is that Alec hasn’t been picked up by a team, contract negotiations falling through at the last minute. No one knows why.

As I continue to debate whether I should call Masen or not, the phone rings. I stop chewing my lo mein and freeze. I check the screen. Great. Sigh. Okay, I guess it’s now or never.

“Were your ears ringing?”

“Hello to you too, Bella.” I can hear the sound of muffled traffic in the background.

“What are you doing? Are you driving? Oh shit, you’re in the States, already, right?”

“Uh, Yeah. I’m home. I just wanted to check in and see what you were up to. You on another hot date?”

“Ha! No, I’m currently bumming out on the sofa watching the Food Network.”

“Nice. So, um...did anything special happen today?” He was fishing...I put him out of his misery.

“Yeah, actually I got a huge floral arrangement delivered to my job. I was pretty sure it was from the hot doctor I met at the lounge” I tease.

“What?! Did he see you in the micro-mini thing?” He sounds all worked-up. Too much fun to do this to him...it’s also cruel. I come clean.

“Settle down, Masen, nothing happened...I went home like five minutes after texting you. Dr. Love was a little to fake for me.” I can hear a sigh of relief on his end. I pause a moment, before lowering my voice a bit, “They are beautiful. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” I can hear taxi driver mutter the total and Masen ferreting around for payment before the car door slams. So he was home...he chose Chicago. I’m happy for him...really.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot too. Did you just land or something?”

“No, I, uh, landed this afternoon and had to get a couple things squared away and drop off my luggage at the hotel.”

“Wow, you must be tired as shit. So that’s it, huh? You got what you wanted. I’m really happy for you, Masen.”

There is a heavy silence for a moment before he responds. “I wouldn’t say I got everything I wanted just yet. There’s still a few things I have to hash out,” his voice is low as I hear what sounds like him climbing stairs.

“So where are you now?”

“Um....I’m uh, visiting a friend, I haven’t seen them in a while.”

“Oh, that’s great, must be great to be able to reconnect with people you miss after so much time away. Shit, what am I doing, I should probably let you go. I don’t want to take up your time.” I am about to say my goodbyes when I hear a strange echo on his phone. 

“No, no worries, actually, I need you to do me a favor.”

“Sure, what do you need?” I ask innocently.

Then there’s a knock. 

I hear it through the line...

And I hear it at my door.

And my heart stops.

“Um, Bella...are you gonna get that?”

My heavy breathing makes it hard to hear his voice.

“Should I get that?”

He chuckles nervously, “I don’t know, Bella...do you want to get that?” I can hear the hopefulness in his voice.

And I melt.

I say nothing else as I slowly put one foot in front of the other, almost paralyzed with...

fear...

happiness...

shock...

As I place my hand on the door knob, my phone still pressed to my ear with the other hand, I can hear him whisper something I can barely make out. But I hear it vibrate on the other side of my door.

“Bella, please.” 

And I open it.

All I see is the intense green in his eyes, reminding me of the lush Forks landscape. His brows are knit together. He’s nervous. I’ve never seen him like this.

“Hi,” is all he manages to breathe out. 

“Edward.”